I wrote this letter after four months in the NICU, shortly before my 25 weeker came home. While we were on the unit, I saw countless moms walk in to see their babies for the first time.  More than anything, I wanted to talk to them and offer some words of encouragement.  Instead I remained silent, whispering a quiet prayer for their precious children, because I knew how painful those first few moments felt.

These are the words that desperately I wish I could share with all of the new NICU moms.

Dear New NICU Mom,

I saw you as you came in to see your precious baby today. I noticed the look in your eyes as you glanced around the room, a look that quietly expressed a loaded one-word question, “Why?”

I watched you take everything in: tubes, monitors, machines, the constant beeping, all of the equipment working together to help your baby survive. It’s overwhelming, I know, but you will soon make sense of it all.

I’m certain that you’re wondering how you’re going to get through this. Trust me, you will find a way. We moms are more resilient than we realize.

I was where you are not too long ago, and yet, it feels like an eternity. I understand that you’re concerned about what the future holds and, if you’ll let me, I’d like to share some thoughts to help you along this difficult road.

1) Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do this. Believe that you are the most important person in your baby’s life and that you can have a profound impact on your child’s journey.

2) Keep your hope alive. Your baby is a fighter. You will be amazed by the challenges that your mighty preemie will overcome.

3) Get to know the NICU. Find out where things are and learn the lingo for the equipment, tests, protocol and processes. Doing so will make it easier to navigate the NICU and will also help you to better understand what is discussed on rounds.

4) Be consistently involved and keep learning. Attend rounds. Learn all that you can about your baby as well as any conditions that he/she has or may be at risk for. Find out whether any preventive measures can be taken and learn about any symptoms you should watch for. You are the only constant in your baby’s life and will likely be the first person to notice if something is amiss.

5) Be your child’s advocate. Remember that medical professionals are people too. They are there to serve you and your baby and have your child’s best interests at heart, but sometimes mistakes happen. Speak up when you think something isn’t right. Make your wishes known and explain why.

6) Ask questions about everything. Ask as many people as you like and don’t be afraid to ask for a second opinion; someone else may be able to offer an alternative treatment or provide new insight into a situation.

7) You are not alone. Don’t be afraid to connect with other NICU parents. They will be one of your greatest resources and can provide you with hope and support since they understand what you are going through better than anyone else does.

8) Drop the guilt. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are here fighting for your baby because you love your child and that’s enough; you are already a great mom just because you care.

9) This is the hardest one: take time for yourself. Read a book, watch a show, go grab a coffee, eat a good meal, talk to a friend, take a nap, etcetera. Your baby needs you at your best. You can’t be at the beside 24/7, so make sure to rest and rejuvenate in order to stay healthy and be fully present for your baby.

10) Remember that even though the days are long, all journeys must come to an end. Although it will always be a part of your life’s story, one day the NICU chapter will come to a close.

With love,

Another NICU Mom

This post was originally shared as one of my personal Facebook status updates and it first appeared on the blog, Boys and Blessings.

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