Bite-Sized Reads, Motherhood & Parenting

The Best Moms Take Care of Themselves, Too


Lately, I’ve been battling bedtime. When the kids go to bed, I find I’m torn between three choices: clean house, go to bed myself or take some time to do something for me (before the baby wakes up, again).

The other day I had a conversation with someone who asked what I do for me, how I relax and unwind. To be honest, I’m rarely ever intentional about taking time for me. Usually, I just sneak in a Facebook post or work on the blog, but that’s still not something I’ve managed to do regularly–there’s nothing I’m purposefully doing daily to quiet my mind and renew my soul.
As such, there are times when I feel as though there’s not much left to give, like I’m squeezing out the last drops of my strength for my children. The reality is that, unless I take time to care for myself too, I’m probably running on empty.

In order to be the best mom I can be, I have to remember to take care of me.

I know, it can feel hard to take care of yourself. After all, no matter how many kids they have, moms give 100% of themselves all day long, so who has the time? The truth is that I think we tend to make “me time” harder than it needs to be. It can be something as simple as making a cup of tea and reading a magazine article while the kids nap or watch TV.

No matter whether you stay at home, go to work, or work from home, I would encourage you to join with me and start being intentional about finding some time to care for yourself each day. I believe doing so will make a difference both in how we feel and in the way we relate to our kids.

Me? Well, I’m planning to make some time to colour (in my adult colouring book, for the first time) alongside my kids.

Blessings,

Elise

The post, “The Best Moms Take Care of Themselves, Too” first appeared on my Facebook Page on February 12, 2016

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Bite-Sized Reads, Faith, Scripture Truths & Favourite Verses

God Holds Tomorrow

It took nearly a year, but my preemie has just come down with his first cold. I’ll be honest with you; I find it a little frightening. While the average person experiences a cold as an unpleasant inconvenience, a simple cold has the potential to become something much worse in preemies due to their disadvantaged immune system and underdeveloped lungs.

I spent some time yesterday worrying about all of the horrible things that this runny nose could turn into. However, as I did so, I realized that worrying wouldn’t change anything. Thinking about what could go wrong isn’t going to make my baby better. Although I can pray about it and take steps towards ensuring a positive outcome, I have no control over what happens in the future.

Isn’t this true for us in other aspects of our lives too? We desire to have everything under control, and we make plans to have our lives “just so,” often striving for perfection and idealism. However, the uncomfortable truth is that life is unpredictable and sometimes things happen which are beyond our control.

If I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that tomorrow holds no guarantees…except one: we have a mighty God who is already there. It’s in this truth that my soul finds peace.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

Blessings,

Elise

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Bite-Sized Reads, Encouragement

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

At the end of each day I take some time to reflect on how it went. As I thought about today, I realized that I forgot to give my kids their vitamins. Once I recognized my mistake, l found myself uttering the words, “Ugh! I’m such a bad mom.”

Hold on…Forgetting my kids’ vitamins makes me a bad mom? Really?

Why is it that we are so quick to dwell on our mistakes and our weaknesses rather than focusing on our strengths? Maybe it’s because we want to be better? Or, perhaps it’s more than that; maybe we’re striving for perfection and, in doing so, are holding ourselves to an unobtainable standard.

The truth is that no one is perfect; no one has it all together.

When I was teaching, I would remind my students of this by responding to their mistakes (and my own) by saying, “It’s okay! Everyone makes mistakes!” Afterwards, we would all share a laugh and move on; no one was ever made to feel embarrassed by their mistake.

And so, on days like today, when critical thoughts creep in, I’m working on remembering that truth: no one is perfect. I’m starting to focus on my strengths, and I’m learning that I am not defined by my shortcomings, but rather by my heart. My love for God and my family and others, as well as my intentions, are a much better measure of my character.

“As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.” Proverbs 27:19

As you look back on your day, remember to give yourself some grace tonight; you’re doing better than you think!

Blessings,

Elise

The Post, “You’re Doing Better than you Think” first appeared on my Facebook Page on January 25, 2016.

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Bite-Sized Reads, Motherhood & Parenting

It’s All About Perspective

It was late, and I was tired after a long, busy day with three active little boys. As I stared at the massive pile of kids’ laundry on my bed, the last thing I wanted to do was fold it. Just as I started to grumble under my breath, a thought stopped me short.

I remembered that just over a year ago I was in the hospital on bed rest. During that time I would have given anything to be at home with my boys, even if it meant doing laundry–something I was physically unable to do… at the time.

Then, I reflected on Rydon’s NICU stay. There were days when I often wondered if I would ever be able to wash and use my baby clothes again…

And with those thoughts, all of my feelings of irritation vanished. In that moment I stopped and thanked God for three beautiful, healthy children to do laundry fo,r and I was grateful that I’m once again able to do their laundry.

Now I’m finding new things to be thankful for every day…

It’s all about perspective, friends.

Blessings,

Elise

The post, “It’s All About Perspective” first appeared on my Facebook Page on January 19, 2016.

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Bite-Sized Reads, Encouragement

God Knows How The Pieces of Your Life Fit Together

Just yesterday my two-year-old son was doing a puzzle at the table. He had all the pieces put together correctly, except the last piece. That last piece frustrated him because he was adamant that it fit in a certain way and it wasn’t working. It was difficult for him to see that the piece didn’t fit because it was meant to go in differently. Eventually, he called out to me for help, and I showed him how to turn it. After the piece was rotated, it fell into place, and the picture was complete.

Our lives are much the same as that puzzle. We think that we see the whole picture and know how the pieces should go, but ultimately it’s God who knows how they fit together. Often we find ourselves trying to force things to work that were never meant to be. I’m not sure what you’re facing right now, but trust that God has you right where he wants you. There is a plan for your life, a far greater picture that you cannot see. Open up your heart, keep your faith in Him, follow His lead and believe that things will come together in the way they are meant to be.

Blessings,

Elise

This post first appeared on my Facebook page on December 23, 2015.

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Motherhood & Parenting

An Atypical Waiting Room Conversation

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It wasn’t a typical conversation starter, but it broke the ice in the waiting room.

A deep rumble sounded from the chair beneath one of my sons. As if it wasn’t loud enough, he also made a proud announcement to everyone within hearing range. While all of the other parents around me tried to stifle their giggles, I decided to face the situation head-on as there was no hiding what had just happened. Feeling my cheeks burn, I chuckled and said, “Well, I guess that’s what you get with boys.”

And, just like that, we all began to talk.

After brief introductions of ourselves and our children, we discussed how our lives had changed after having kids. Soon, one woman asked me what life was like with three little ones at home. She added that she was genuinely curious because they were considering having a third child, but hadn’t fully decided if it was the right choice for their family. I could tell that she was hoping for an honest answer, so I decided to share both the joys and the “growing pains” that come with another child by opening up about some of the new challenges I faced. After hearing about some of the adjustment issues I had, another woman spoke up and shared that she had dealt with some similar situations after her youngest was born. She said that she appreciated my honesty because “It’s nice to know that you’re not alone.”

Although it was short-lived, that was one of the best conversations I’ve had in awhile. It wasn’t what we talked about that made it good, but rather how we talked. We were open and honest with one another—we were REAL.

I don’t know how or when it became the norm to pretend like we have it all together. But the truth is, all that it takes to connect with someone is a little honesty and two simple words, “Me, too.”

My hope is that we could all be brave enough share about our struggles as moms—you never know when you might meet someone who feels the same way as you.

Blessings,

Elise

I love hearing from you, please feel free to leave me a comment below or to connect with me on social media.

The post “An Atypical Waiting Room Conversation” first appeared on Boys and Blessings.

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Motherhood & Parenting

Two Words We All Need to Hear

Has there ever been a time when you were caught off-guard because someone said something to you that spoke directly to your heart, and yet, you didn’t even know how much you needed to hear their words?

I had that experience this past week.

Several other moms and I gathered to listen to a seasoned mother speak about her experiences as she raised her (now grown) children. She shared that although motherhood is beautiful and rewarding, it is still SO hard. There are moments when we feel helpless, hopeless, overwhelmed, uncertain, lonely, and inadequate, amongst other things. We believe that no one could ever understand what we’re going through, so we carry on hiding our feelings and trying our best to keep it all together.

As she continued talking, I felt as though she was looking through a window directly into my weary soul. I could hardly believe that, thirty years ago, this seasoned mom struggled with some of the same “heart issues” that I’m facing today. Then she said two simple words that released all of the feelings I had been suppressing, “Me, too.” And as the burden on my heart lifted, the tears that had been welling up in my eyes began to overflow, cascading down my cheeks.

I cannot tell you how desperate I was to hear someone say those two words, to know that I wasn’t alone.

When I slowly lifted my gaze and glanced around the room, I was met with looks from other teary-eyed women who, like me, also needed to know that they aren’t alone.

And so, I’m sharing the same words with you today…

  • Does motherhood make you feel lonely sometimes? Me, too.
  • Do you ever feel like you’re not a good enough mom/wife? Me, too.
  • Have you ever felt like you had to hide something because you were worried about what others would think of you? Me, too.
  • Have you ever been in a situation where you felt hopeless, like there was no way out? Me, too.
  • Have there been times when you wish that your life looked different? Me, too.
  • Do you regret some of the choices you’ve made? Me, too.
  • Have you ever felt like no one could ever understand how you feel? Me, too.

Whatever you’re facing today, please be reassured that you are NOT alone; everybody struggles, but not everybody shares. Nobody has it all together. There is no such thing as a “perfect” mom or wife. All we can do is give our best, each and every day, no matter what that looks like.

We can also find hope in knowing that others before us have overcome some of the same challenges we’re facing today.

How did that seasoned mom get through it all? She was intentional about developing relationships with other moms and she found a close community of women to “do life” with. They were honest about their struggles, they encouraged each other and lifted one another up in prayer. And, most of all, she leaned on her faith in God.

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NLT)

Do you believe we can make it though, together?  Me, too.

Blessings,

Elise

I love hearing from you. Please feel free to leave a comment below, or to connect with me on Facebook.

The post, Two Words, first appeared on the blog, Boys and Blessings.

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Prematurity and the NICU

Connecting With Other NICU Parents

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I never thought that I would be a NICU mom.

The first time I walked into the NICU, I was completely overwhelmed. There were life support machines everywhere, beeping and blinking, working hard to keep all of those tiny babies alive. Words could never express how my heart ached when I saw my tiny baby hooked up to all of that equipment. Several friends and family members looked on, offering their love and support, but they still couldn’t fully comprehend the depth of my pain.

When my son was born at 25 weeks, a few friends of mine who had experienced the NICU before me, began pouring into my life with words of encouragement and hope for the future. Their support was a tremendous source of comfort.

As our days in the NICU turned to weeks, then months, I became intentional about connecting with the other NICU moms who were journeying alongside me. In doing so, I discovered that there’s an instant, unspoken bond that forms between people who share a heartache; we find strength in each other.

If you’re a new NICU parent, I want to encourage you to connect with others around you. One day, you might discover that you’ve introduced yourself to a new lifelong friend.

Here are four steps I took to connect with other preemie parents.

1)  I found places to interact:

  • I talked with other parents in my baby’s POD, a.k.a. his roommates’ parents.
  • I spoke to other moms in the pump room.
  • I connected with other parents in the parent lounge.
  • I introduced myself to other parents in the pump parts wash station.
  • I attended the parent support group meetings when I could.

Note: The rooms in your NICU might differ from mine, but it’s important that you find a time and/or place to connect.

2)  I always started the conversation with a smile before asking whether they had a little boy or a little girl. After they responded, I would share that I had a little boy, what his name was, when he was born, how early he was, and/or how far we were into our NICU journey. Sometimes the conversation continued, sometimes it didn’t, and that was okay too. No matter the outcome, it always resulted in another friendly face in the hallways.

3)  I kept the conversations positive, offering empathy and words of encouragement to the parents that I connected with. I also made sure to remember their babies’ names and stories so that I could ask them how things were going the next time we met.

4)  I joined online preemie parent support groups, including one for my local area. There were many parents in the group whose children had grown and they offered invaluable insight and support.

By reaching out to other NICU parents, I discovered a beautiful community. I am so thankful for each and every friend I’ve made; they will always have a special place in my heart.

Love and Blessings,

Elise

The post, Connecting with Other NICU Parents, first appeared on Boys and Blessings.

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Encouragement

Six Months Later

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The landscape of my home was forever changed six months ago.

Since then, I’ve made several attempts to share what’s been on my heart. Each and every time I’ve been left with a blank computer screen, unable to express the storm raging within my soul. There may never come a day when I have the right words to say—watching loved ones suffer tremendous loss and seeing the destruction first-hand is indescribable. I still have moments when it’s tempting to dwell on the hurt, anger, and fear caused by the fire. However, I know that doing so would only cause further pain. Instead, I’ve been choosing to shift my focus to the many blessings that have (and are still to) come out of this situation.

In the past few months we have seen love pour out for our city from coast to coast. The compassion and generosity that’s been shown to our community has warmed my heart. From the people who drove up the highway with gas for stranded evacuees, to the record-breaking Red Cross donations, to the truckload of Christmas decorations that was sent up for those who lost their homes, the blessings keep pouring in. Thank you, Canada!

I have also seen my city unite like never before: a beautiful, resilient strength has arisen within the citizens of Fort McMurray. Tragedy tends to have a way of bringing people together and I imagine that May 3, 2016, will always be a shared, unspoken bond between us.

As we work together to rebuild, there may be days when we feel as though it’s hopeless, as though there is no end in sight.

When those days come, let these truths encourage your heart:

It will get better
You can do this
Just keep going
Cry if you have to
Accept help when you need it
And, most of all, hold onto your hope.

Like all of the chapters in life, this one too will come to an end.  And, rest assured, we will all be stronger for coming through it together, both as individuals and as a community.

Love and blessings,

Elise

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Prematurity and the NICU

What It’s Like to Wait to Bring Your Baby Home

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The birth of our preemie was nothing like my previous birth experiences.

My hospital room was dark and quiet. The sounds of a baby crying echoed throughout the unit, reminding me of what I was missing. Less than two years earlier, I had delivered my second baby and was staying in the executive suite across the hall with my husband. Our stay had been filled with visitors, gifts, quality family time and midnight nursing sessions.

Things were completely different this time; my empty arms ached for those late-night newborn snuggles and the sounds of a content baby had been replaced with the quiet, steady rhythm of a whirring pump. A tear rolled down my cheek as I gently touched my swollen, empty belly. I needed to see him again. As I prepared to head back up to the NICU, my body seemed to protest each movement, reminding me that the labour and delivery had been especially rough this time around.

When I stepped out of the room, a young couple breezed down the hallway toward me with their newborn in a car seat. They were glowing with pride and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as they walked by.

Up in the NICU, I slowly pulled back the cover on the isolette and took in my baby’s small frame. Weighing in at just under 2 pounds and at only 13 inches long, he was the tiniest person I had ever seen. With the nurse’s help, I pulled up a chair next to him, gently placed my hands on his head and feet and whispered, “Mommy’s here.”

Five days later, I was discharged. As we drove away from the hospital, I kept glancing at the empty backseat behind me, knowing it would be the first of many nights when I’d have to leave without my baby.

We never expected something like this to happen to us, but then again, no one ever does. Through all of it, our hope and our faith in God were what drove us, what spurred us on even in our darkest moments.

Our son spent a challenging 123 days in the NICU before he came home. On that day, my heart swelled with pride as we walked out of the unit, together—our little miracle, our little fighter was finally coming home. That moment made every prayer, every tear, every minute spent in the hospital worth it. There was a sense of relief, of victory and an unspeakable joy in knowing that our family would, at last, be complete.

I share my story to help raise awareness about prematurity. Thank you for being part of the conversation.

Blessings,

Elise

 

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