Hospital

Prematurity and the NICU

Connecting With Other NICU Parents

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I never thought that I would be a NICU mom.

The first time I walked into the NICU, I was completely overwhelmed. There were life support machines everywhere, beeping and blinking, working hard to keep all of those tiny babies alive. Words could never express how my heart ached when I saw my tiny baby hooked up to all of that equipment. Several friends and family members looked on, offering their love and support, but they still couldn’t fully comprehend the depth of my pain.

When my son was born at 25 weeks, a few friends of mine who had experienced the NICU before me, began pouring into my life with words of encouragement and hope for the future. Their support was a tremendous source of comfort.

As our days in the NICU turned to weeks, then months, I became intentional about connecting with the other NICU moms who were journeying alongside me. In doing so, I discovered that there’s an instant, unspoken bond that forms between people who share a heartache; we find strength in each other.

If you’re a new NICU parent, I want to encourage you to connect with others around you. One day, you might discover that you’ve introduced yourself to a new lifelong friend.

Here are four steps I took to connect with other preemie parents.

1)  I found places to interact:

  • I talked with other parents in my baby’s POD, a.k.a. his roommates’ parents.
  • I spoke to other moms in the pump room.
  • I connected with other parents in the parent lounge.
  • I introduced myself to other parents in the pump parts wash station.
  • I attended the parent support group meetings when I could.

Note: The rooms in your NICU might differ from mine, but it’s important that you find a time and/or place to connect.

2)  I always started the conversation with a smile before asking whether they had a little boy or a little girl. After they responded, I would share that I had a little boy, what his name was, when he was born, how early he was, and/or how far we were into our NICU journey. Sometimes the conversation continued, sometimes it didn’t, and that was okay too. No matter the outcome, it always resulted in another friendly face in the hallways.

3)  I kept the conversations positive, offering empathy and words of encouragement to the parents that I connected with. I also made sure to remember their babies’ names and stories so that I could ask them how things were going the next time we met.

4)  I joined online preemie parent support groups, including one for my local area. There were many parents in the group whose children had grown and they offered invaluable insight and support.

By reaching out to other NICU parents, I discovered a beautiful community. I am so thankful for each and every friend I’ve made; they will always have a special place in my heart.

Love and Blessings,

Elise

The post, Connecting with Other NICU Parents, first appeared on Boys and Blessings.

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Prematurity and the NICU

What It’s Like to Wait to Bring Your Baby Home

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The birth of our preemie was nothing like my previous birth experiences.

My hospital room was dark and quiet. The sounds of a baby crying echoed throughout the unit, reminding me of what I was missing. Less than two years earlier, I had delivered my second baby and was staying in the executive suite across the hall with my husband. Our stay had been filled with visitors, gifts, quality family time and midnight nursing sessions.

Things were completely different this time; my empty arms ached for those late-night newborn snuggles and the sounds of a content baby had been replaced with the quiet, steady rhythm of a whirring pump. A tear rolled down my cheek as I gently touched my swollen, empty belly. I needed to see him again. As I prepared to head back up to the NICU, my body seemed to protest each movement, reminding me that the labour and delivery had been especially rough this time around.

When I stepped out of the room, a young couple breezed down the hallway toward me with their newborn in a car seat. They were glowing with pride and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as they walked by.

Up in the NICU, I slowly pulled back the cover on the isolette and took in my baby’s small frame. Weighing in at just under 2 pounds and at only 13 inches long, he was the tiniest person I had ever seen. With the nurse’s help, I pulled up a chair next to him, gently placed my hands on his head and feet and whispered, “Mommy’s here.”

Five days later, I was discharged. As we drove away from the hospital, I kept glancing at the empty backseat behind me, knowing it would be the first of many nights when I’d have to leave without my baby.

We never expected something like this to happen to us, but then again, no one ever does. Through all of it, our hope and our faith in God were what drove us, what spurred us on even in our darkest moments.

Our son spent a challenging 123 days in the NICU before he came home. On that day, my heart swelled with pride as we walked out of the unit, together—our little miracle, our little fighter was finally coming home. That moment made every prayer, every tear, every minute spent in the hospital worth it. There was a sense of relief, of victory and an unspeakable joy in knowing that our family would, at last, be complete.

I share my story to help raise awareness about prematurity. Thank you for being part of the conversation.

Blessings,

Elise

 

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Encouragement

When the Holidays Hurt

“This isn’t what Christmas should look like!” The thought resonated through my mind as I took in the cold, white, barren room. The only hints of colour present were the pale yellow curtain next to the bed and my faded, blue hospital blanket. Shivering, I pulled the blanket closer and looked out the window. “At least there are Christmas lights in the distance,” I thought.

Oh, how I longed for the warm glow of the Christmas tree in the evenings. How my heart ached to hear my children’s squeals of delight as they counted down the days to Christmas. How I wished that I could feel my husband’s warmth when the nights grew cold.

Instead, I was stuck on bed rest in the hospital with a severe pregnancy complication. While others were crafting their Christmas lists, I wanted only one thing–for my baby to survive.

A tear fell as the reality hit hard; I was spending Christmas in the hospital this year. When everyone was gathering with their families, I was missing mine. I wished I could skip Christmas altogether.

And yet, in the midst of my sorrow, there was a tiny flicker in my heart–hope. Hope that my situation would improve, hope my Christmas could still be “merry” and hope that we would be celebrating our baby’s first Christmas the following year.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Ever so slowly, that hope blossomed, and I realized that I can choose to let my circumstances get the best of me, or I can make the best of them.

This attitude shift allowed me to count my blessings instead of focusing on my losses. I reflected upon the kindness shown to me by friends and strangers alike, and I was truly grateful for my family, who did their best to give me a merry Christmas. Most of all, I was thankful that my baby continued to be healthy and strong. My Christmas may not have been ideal, but God gave me the strength to get through it with a positive outlook.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe Christmas looks different for you this year because you are coping with your own sorrow. Let me encourage you; you aren’t alone. There are many people who are hurting alongside you, who wish that their circumstances were different. And while we may not be able to change what’s happening around us, we always have hope. We can hope for a brighter future, and we can hope that our stories will touch the lives of those around us.

Dear friend, I am praying for you today. I am praying for peace in the midst of your trials and for the strength to face this holiday season and all of the days ahead.

Blessings,

Elise

“…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4. (NIV)

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