letter

Motherhood & Parenting

Dear Mommy-to-Be

Dear Mommy-to-Be,

I know the positive pregnancy test that you hold in your hands feels heavy; it’s weighted down by all of the changes coming your way. It’s okay to feel excited and a little terrified because there is so much that’s unknown. Sweet Mama, let me encourage your heart today as you head down the winding road of motherhood.

Please don’t worry about everything with your pregnancy. While there are many things that we can be cautious of, there is still so much beyond our control. Just soak up this time with your precious baby. Enjoy every kick and each flutter of movement your child makes. Talk to your little one, sing often and play with the tiny fingers and toes that push out of your belly.

Your precious child is more aware of your presence than you can imagine and will come into the world knowing your voice. Mothers have a beautiful bond with their babies and yours will be no different.

It doesn’t really matter whether you have a boy or a girl. And, even if your child isn’t of perfect health, it won’t matter either. See, boy or girl, healthy or sick, you are going to love your little one with a love that is deeper and fuller than anything you have ever known. This love will give your heart a glimpse of the unconditional love that your Heavenly Father has for you.

When the time comes to meet your baby and your birth plan goes awry, don’t be discouraged. These things are unpredictable. Your friends’ births may have gone differently, but their story is not your story.

Be gentle with your children’s hearts. You are the love of their lives and everything you say and do will impact them more than you realize.

One day your child may speak harshly to you, in a tone that you have previously used. When that happens, it will be a painful indicator of a change you need to make and you’ll finally understand just how closely you are being watched.

Patience doesn’t come easy and praying for more may not be the answer you hope for. I’ve learned that God doesn’t just grant us patience, he teaches us to be patient. When you pray for patience, be prepared to experience even more growth opportunities.

In spite of all of the mistakes that you will make, don’t be hard on yourself. You must learn to love yourself, including all of the ugly parts, before you can fully accept your children as they are. (Chances are that your deepest struggles with your children will be because you see your own flaws reflected in them. Learn to accept those parts of you, work on improving them, and you may just see a positive change in your relationship with your kids.)

Always do the best you can; it’s the most anyone can ask for. And on those days when you make a wrong choice, ask for forgiveness. This will teach your children that everyone makes mistakes, but that things must be made right afterwards.

Be real with your kids: laugh with them, cry with them and experience life together.

Pray for your children daily. Pray for their health, their safety, their strength, their future spouses and anything else you can think of. Never underestimate the power of a praying parent.

Record your precious memories, whether it be by photos or a journal. Just don’t spend so much time documenting them that you forget to truly live in those moments.

No matter what happens, in times of joy and sorrow, remember that God is in control. Sweet Mama, keep that truth close to your heart on this journey, trust Him always and I promise that you will be just fine.

Blessings,

Elise

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

I love hearing from you! Feel free to leave a comment or connect with me on Facebook.

Photo credit: Leah Rae Photography

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Prematurity and the NICU

What I Wish to Share with All New NICU Moms

I wrote this letter after four months in the NICU, shortly before my 25 weeker came home. While we were on the unit, I saw countless moms walk in to see their babies for the first time.  More than anything, I wanted to talk to them and offer some words of encouragement.  Instead I remained silent, whispering a quiet prayer for their precious children, because I knew how painful those first few moments felt.

These are the words that desperately I wish I could share with all of the new NICU moms.

Dear New NICU Mom,

I saw you as you came in to see your precious baby today. I noticed the look in your eyes as you glanced around the room, a look that quietly expressed a loaded one-word question, “Why?”

I watched you take everything in: tubes, monitors, machines, the constant beeping, all of the equipment working together to help your baby survive. It’s overwhelming, I know, but you will soon make sense of it all.

I’m certain that you’re wondering how you’re going to get through this. Trust me, you will find a way. We moms are more resilient than we realize.

I was where you are not too long ago, and yet, it feels like an eternity. I understand that you’re concerned about what the future holds and, if you’ll let me, I’d like to share some thoughts to help you along this difficult road.

1) Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do this. Believe that you are the most important person in your baby’s life and that you can have a profound impact on your child’s journey.

2) Keep your hope alive. Your baby is a fighter. You will be amazed by the challenges that your mighty preemie will overcome.

3) Get to know the NICU. Find out where things are and learn the lingo for the equipment, tests, protocol and processes. Doing so will make it easier to navigate the NICU and will also help you to better understand what is discussed on rounds.

4) Be consistently involved and keep learning. Attend rounds. Learn all that you can about your baby as well as any conditions that he/she has or may be at risk for. Find out whether any preventive measures can be taken and learn about any symptoms you should watch for. You are the only constant in your baby’s life and will likely be the first person to notice if something is amiss.

5) Be your child’s advocate. Remember that medical professionals are people too. They are there to serve you and your baby and have your child’s best interests at heart, but sometimes mistakes happen. Speak up when you think something isn’t right. Make your wishes known and explain why.

6) Ask questions about everything. Ask as many people as you like and don’t be afraid to ask for a second opinion; someone else may be able to offer an alternative treatment or provide new insight into a situation.

7) You are not alone. Don’t be afraid to connect with other NICU parents. They will be one of your greatest resources and can provide you with hope and support since they understand what you are going through better than anyone else does.

8) Drop the guilt. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are here fighting for your baby because you love your child and that’s enough; you are already a great mom just because you care.

9) This is the hardest one: take time for yourself. Read a book, watch a show, go grab a coffee, eat a good meal, talk to a friend, take a nap, etcetera. Your baby needs you at your best. You can’t be at the beside 24/7, so make sure to rest and rejuvenate in order to stay healthy and be fully present for your baby.

10) Remember that even though the days are long, all journeys must come to an end. Although it will always be a part of your life’s story, one day the NICU chapter will come to a close.

With love,

Another NICU Mom

This post was originally shared as one of my personal Facebook status updates and it first appeared on the blog, Boys and Blessings.

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below or connect with me on Facebook.

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Prematurity and the NICU

Due Date: An Open Letter to My Preemie

April 27, 2015

Dear Sweet Baby,

Today is your due date. There are so many mixed emotions surrounding this day. We are incredibly thankful for you and your life and we celebrate this huge milestone alongside you. However, at the same our hearts are heavy because of the suffering you have had to endure and the many challenges that you still face. During the time when you should have been tucked away in my belly, safe and warm, you have been fighting for your life. I wish things were different today, but unfortunately my body failed both of us and nothing went according to plan. Yet, you never cease to amaze us as you continue to persevere.

Despite everything that has happened, we are blessed. Through all of this, we have experienced the kindness and generosity of family, friends and strangers alike. There are so many wonderful people who genuinely care about you. They have walked alongside us and supported our family in a variety of ways; everything from prayer support, to making meals, to watching your brothers, to the medical team caring for you.

By God’s grace, we have also experienced so many incredible miracles with you. Never forget that your life is a miracle. Baby, you are our miracle. We are better because of the trials we have faced together; our faith is stronger and our family relationships are closer.

While the circumstances surrounding your birth and your fight for your life in the NICU has been the source of our greatest pain, you have been the source of our greatest joy. We love you, Baby, and are so blessed that God has chosen us to be your parents. We cannot wait to bring you home!

All my love,

Mommy
Xoxo

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