motherhood

Motherhood & Parenting

An Atypical Waiting Room Conversation

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It wasn’t a typical conversation starter, but it broke the ice in the waiting room.

A deep rumble sounded from the chair beneath one of my sons. As if it wasn’t loud enough, he also made a proud announcement to everyone within hearing range. While all of the other parents around me tried to stifle their giggles, I decided to face the situation head-on as there was no hiding what had just happened. Feeling my cheeks burn, I chuckled and said, “Well, I guess that’s what you get with boys.”

And, just like that, we all began to talk.

After brief introductions of ourselves and our children, we discussed how our lives had changed after having kids. Soon, one woman asked me what life was like with three little ones at home. She added that she was genuinely curious because they were considering having a third child, but hadn’t fully decided if it was the right choice for their family. I could tell that she was hoping for an honest answer, so I decided to share both the joys and the “growing pains” that come with another child by opening up about some of the new challenges I faced. After hearing about some of the adjustment issues I had, another woman spoke up and shared that she had dealt with some similar situations after her youngest was born. She said that she appreciated my honesty because “It’s nice to know that you’re not alone.”

Although it was short-lived, that was one of the best conversations I’ve had in awhile. It wasn’t what we talked about that made it good, but rather how we talked. We were open and honest with one another—we were REAL.

I don’t know how or when it became the norm to pretend like we have it all together. But the truth is, all that it takes to connect with someone is a little honesty and two simple words, “Me, too.”

My hope is that we could all be brave enough share about our struggles as moms—you never know when you might meet someone who feels the same way as you.

Blessings,

Elise

I love hearing from you, please feel free to leave me a comment below or to connect with me on social media.

The post “An Atypical Waiting Room Conversation” first appeared on Boys and Blessings.

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Motherhood & Parenting

Two Words We All Need to Hear

Has there ever been a time when you were caught off-guard because someone said something to you that spoke directly to your heart, and yet, you didn’t even know how much you needed to hear their words?

I had that experience this past week.

Several other moms and I gathered to listen to a seasoned mother speak about her experiences as she raised her (now grown) children. She shared that although motherhood is beautiful and rewarding, it is still SO hard. There are moments when we feel helpless, hopeless, overwhelmed, uncertain, lonely, and inadequate, amongst other things. We believe that no one could ever understand what we’re going through, so we carry on hiding our feelings and trying our best to keep it all together.

As she continued talking, I felt as though she was looking through a window directly into my weary soul. I could hardly believe that, thirty years ago, this seasoned mom struggled with some of the same “heart issues” that I’m facing today. Then she said two simple words that released all of the feelings I had been suppressing, “Me, too.” And as the burden on my heart lifted, the tears that had been welling up in my eyes began to overflow, cascading down my cheeks.

I cannot tell you how desperate I was to hear someone say those two words, to know that I wasn’t alone.

When I slowly lifted my gaze and glanced around the room, I was met with looks from other teary-eyed women who, like me, also needed to know that they aren’t alone.

And so, I’m sharing the same words with you today…

  • Does motherhood make you feel lonely sometimes? Me, too.
  • Do you ever feel like you’re not a good enough mom/wife? Me, too.
  • Have you ever felt like you had to hide something because you were worried about what others would think of you? Me, too.
  • Have you ever been in a situation where you felt hopeless, like there was no way out? Me, too.
  • Have there been times when you wish that your life looked different? Me, too.
  • Do you regret some of the choices you’ve made? Me, too.
  • Have you ever felt like no one could ever understand how you feel? Me, too.

Whatever you’re facing today, please be reassured that you are NOT alone; everybody struggles, but not everybody shares. Nobody has it all together. There is no such thing as a “perfect” mom or wife. All we can do is give our best, each and every day, no matter what that looks like.

We can also find hope in knowing that others before us have overcome some of the same challenges we’re facing today.

How did that seasoned mom get through it all? She was intentional about developing relationships with other moms and she found a close community of women to “do life” with. They were honest about their struggles, they encouraged each other and lifted one another up in prayer. And, most of all, she leaned on her faith in God.

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NLT)

Do you believe we can make it though, together?  Me, too.

Blessings,

Elise

I love hearing from you. Please feel free to leave a comment below, or to connect with me on Facebook.

The post, Two Words, first appeared on the blog, Boys and Blessings.

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Prematurity and the NICU

What It’s Like to Wait to Bring Your Baby Home

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The birth of our preemie was nothing like my previous birth experiences.

My hospital room was dark and quiet. The sounds of a baby crying echoed throughout the unit, reminding me of what I was missing. Less than two years earlier, I had delivered my second baby and was staying in the executive suite across the hall with my husband. Our stay had been filled with visitors, gifts, quality family time and midnight nursing sessions.

Things were completely different this time; my empty arms ached for those late-night newborn snuggles and the sounds of a content baby had been replaced with the quiet, steady rhythm of a whirring pump. A tear rolled down my cheek as I gently touched my swollen, empty belly. I needed to see him again. As I prepared to head back up to the NICU, my body seemed to protest each movement, reminding me that the labour and delivery had been especially rough this time around.

When I stepped out of the room, a young couple breezed down the hallway toward me with their newborn in a car seat. They were glowing with pride and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as they walked by.

Up in the NICU, I slowly pulled back the cover on the isolette and took in my baby’s small frame. Weighing in at just under 2 pounds and at only 13 inches long, he was the tiniest person I had ever seen. With the nurse’s help, I pulled up a chair next to him, gently placed my hands on his head and feet and whispered, “Mommy’s here.”

Five days later, I was discharged. As we drove away from the hospital, I kept glancing at the empty backseat behind me, knowing it would be the first of many nights when I’d have to leave without my baby.

We never expected something like this to happen to us, but then again, no one ever does. Through all of it, our hope and our faith in God were what drove us, what spurred us on even in our darkest moments.

Our son spent a challenging 123 days in the NICU before he came home. On that day, my heart swelled with pride as we walked out of the unit, together—our little miracle, our little fighter was finally coming home. That moment made every prayer, every tear, every minute spent in the hospital worth it. There was a sense of relief, of victory and an unspeakable joy in knowing that our family would, at last, be complete.

I share my story to help raise awareness about prematurity. Thank you for being part of the conversation.

Blessings,

Elise

 

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Devotions, Faith

The Way to Find Peace

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“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

A mother always remembers the first time she sees her baby. All of my children are precious, but the day I met my youngest will forever pull on my heartstrings. I had to be wheeled up to the NICU to see him because he entered this world much too soon. As I sat by his isolette, marvelling at how tiny and perfect he was, his nurse gently placed her hand on my shoulder and whispered, “They say that having your baby in the NICU is like riding an emotional rollercoaster, full of highs and lows. Be prepared for good days and bad days. He has a long road ahead of him.”

Our first low arrived late one night when the hospital’s phone number illuminated our call display. My hands trembled as I answered the phone. I listened intently while the doctor explained that they were going to run some tests because they were concerned about my tiny baby. He promised to call us back as soon as they knew more, then said a hasty goodbye.

Several minutes passed. A knot formed in my stomach as worry clouded my heart. I stared at the phone and thought, Please ring! I don’t want to wait any longer! I want answers now!

Desperate and impatient, I turned to the internet for more information. However, my husband quickly interrupted my search by reminding me, “Elise, God’s got us this far. We don’t know what his plan is in all of this, but we know that he’s got this. Instead of searching the internet, let’s pray and look to Him.” Reluctantly, I closed my search. I knew that he was right, that the pesky knot in my stomach couldn’t be undone simply by learning more about my son’s condition. The only way I was going to find peace was to give my worries to God.

In 1 Peter 5:7 we are told, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” These are simple, specific instructions given to us by our Heavenly Father. In the same way that children share their fears and concerns with their parents, so are we to bring our problems to Him. And yet, just as I quickly turned to the internet for answers, sometimes we are reluctant to go to God first.

Maybe we hesitate because we need to feel like we’re in control of a situation. Or, perhaps we believe that our circumstances are too big, or too insignificant, to give to God. Regardless of our reasons, God is always there. He stands with outstretched arms, patiently waiting for us to surrender all of our burdens to Him.

We only need to remember that he is.

Blessings,

Elise

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Motherhood & Parenting

Dear Mommy-to-Be

Dear Mommy-to-Be,

I know the positive pregnancy test that you hold in your hands feels heavy; it’s weighted down by all of the changes coming your way. It’s okay to feel excited and a little terrified because there is so much that’s unknown. Sweet Mama, let me encourage your heart today as you head down the winding road of motherhood.

Please don’t worry about everything with your pregnancy. While there are many things that we can be cautious of, there is still so much beyond our control. Just soak up this time with your precious baby. Enjoy every kick and each flutter of movement your child makes. Talk to your little one, sing often and play with the tiny fingers and toes that push out of your belly.

Your precious child is more aware of your presence than you can imagine and will come into the world knowing your voice. Mothers have a beautiful bond with their babies and yours will be no different.

It doesn’t really matter whether you have a boy or a girl. And, even if your child isn’t of perfect health, it won’t matter either. See, boy or girl, healthy or sick, you are going to love your little one with a love that is deeper and fuller than anything you have ever known. This love will give your heart a glimpse of the unconditional love that your Heavenly Father has for you.

When the time comes to meet your baby and your birth plan goes awry, don’t be discouraged. These things are unpredictable. Your friends’ births may have gone differently, but their story is not your story.

Be gentle with your children’s hearts. You are the love of their lives and everything you say and do will impact them more than you realize.

One day your child may speak harshly to you, in a tone that you have previously used. When that happens, it will be a painful indicator of a change you need to make and you’ll finally understand just how closely you are being watched.

Patience doesn’t come easy and praying for more may not be the answer you hope for. I’ve learned that God doesn’t just grant us patience, he teaches us to be patient. When you pray for patience, be prepared to experience even more growth opportunities.

In spite of all of the mistakes that you will make, don’t be hard on yourself. You must learn to love yourself, including all of the ugly parts, before you can fully accept your children as they are. (Chances are that your deepest struggles with your children will be because you see your own flaws reflected in them. Learn to accept those parts of you, work on improving them, and you may just see a positive change in your relationship with your kids.)

Always do the best you can; it’s the most anyone can ask for. And on those days when you make a wrong choice, ask for forgiveness. This will teach your children that everyone makes mistakes, but that things must be made right afterwards.

Be real with your kids: laugh with them, cry with them and experience life together.

Pray for your children daily. Pray for their health, their safety, their strength, their future spouses and anything else you can think of. Never underestimate the power of a praying parent.

Record your precious memories, whether it be by photos or a journal. Just don’t spend so much time documenting them that you forget to truly live in those moments.

No matter what happens, in times of joy and sorrow, remember that God is in control. Sweet Mama, keep that truth close to your heart on this journey, trust Him always and I promise that you will be just fine.

Blessings,

Elise

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

I love hearing from you! Feel free to leave a comment or connect with me on Facebook.

Photo credit: Leah Rae Photography

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Prematurity and the NICU

What I Wish to Share with All New NICU Moms

I wrote this letter after four months in the NICU, shortly before my 25 weeker came home. While we were on the unit, I saw countless moms walk in to see their babies for the first time.  More than anything, I wanted to talk to them and offer some words of encouragement.  Instead I remained silent, whispering a quiet prayer for their precious children, because I knew how painful those first few moments felt.

These are the words that desperately I wish I could share with all of the new NICU moms.

Dear New NICU Mom,

I saw you as you came in to see your precious baby today. I noticed the look in your eyes as you glanced around the room, a look that quietly expressed a loaded one-word question, “Why?”

I watched you take everything in: tubes, monitors, machines, the constant beeping, all of the equipment working together to help your baby survive. It’s overwhelming, I know, but you will soon make sense of it all.

I’m certain that you’re wondering how you’re going to get through this. Trust me, you will find a way. We moms are more resilient than we realize.

I was where you are not too long ago, and yet, it feels like an eternity. I understand that you’re concerned about what the future holds and, if you’ll let me, I’d like to share some thoughts to help you along this difficult road.

1) Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do this. Believe that you are the most important person in your baby’s life and that you can have a profound impact on your child’s journey.

2) Keep your hope alive. Your baby is a fighter. You will be amazed by the challenges that your mighty preemie will overcome.

3) Get to know the NICU. Find out where things are and learn the lingo for the equipment, tests, protocol and processes. Doing so will make it easier to navigate the NICU and will also help you to better understand what is discussed on rounds.

4) Be consistently involved and keep learning. Attend rounds. Learn all that you can about your baby as well as any conditions that he/she has or may be at risk for. Find out whether any preventive measures can be taken and learn about any symptoms you should watch for. You are the only constant in your baby’s life and will likely be the first person to notice if something is amiss.

5) Be your child’s advocate. Remember that medical professionals are people too. They are there to serve you and your baby and have your child’s best interests at heart, but sometimes mistakes happen. Speak up when you think something isn’t right. Make your wishes known and explain why.

6) Ask questions about everything. Ask as many people as you like and don’t be afraid to ask for a second opinion; someone else may be able to offer an alternative treatment or provide new insight into a situation.

7) You are not alone. Don’t be afraid to connect with other NICU parents. They will be one of your greatest resources and can provide you with hope and support since they understand what you are going through better than anyone else does.

8) Drop the guilt. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are here fighting for your baby because you love your child and that’s enough; you are already a great mom just because you care.

9) This is the hardest one: take time for yourself. Read a book, watch a show, go grab a coffee, eat a good meal, talk to a friend, take a nap, etcetera. Your baby needs you at your best. You can’t be at the beside 24/7, so make sure to rest and rejuvenate in order to stay healthy and be fully present for your baby.

10) Remember that even though the days are long, all journeys must come to an end. Although it will always be a part of your life’s story, one day the NICU chapter will come to a close.

With love,

Another NICU Mom

This post was originally shared as one of my personal Facebook status updates and it first appeared on the blog, Boys and Blessings.

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below or connect with me on Facebook.

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Prematurity and the NICU

Due Date: An Open Letter to My Preemie

April 27, 2015

Dear Sweet Baby,

Today is your due date. There are so many mixed emotions surrounding this day. We are incredibly thankful for you and your life and we celebrate this huge milestone alongside you. However, at the same our hearts are heavy because of the suffering you have had to endure and the many challenges that you still face. During the time when you should have been tucked away in my belly, safe and warm, you have been fighting for your life. I wish things were different today, but unfortunately my body failed both of us and nothing went according to plan. Yet, you never cease to amaze us as you continue to persevere.

Despite everything that has happened, we are blessed. Through all of this, we have experienced the kindness and generosity of family, friends and strangers alike. There are so many wonderful people who genuinely care about you. They have walked alongside us and supported our family in a variety of ways; everything from prayer support, to making meals, to watching your brothers, to the medical team caring for you.

By God’s grace, we have also experienced so many incredible miracles with you. Never forget that your life is a miracle. Baby, you are our miracle. We are better because of the trials we have faced together; our faith is stronger and our family relationships are closer.

While the circumstances surrounding your birth and your fight for your life in the NICU has been the source of our greatest pain, you have been the source of our greatest joy. We love you, Baby, and are so blessed that God has chosen us to be your parents. We cannot wait to bring you home!

All my love,

Mommy
Xoxo

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